I can has holiday?

I'm exhausted. The last few nights I woke at 3 or 4am, stared at the ceiling for an hour or two, and tried to think calm thoughts. But all thoughts led back to work and the work I wasn't doing and the work I could have planned better and the resources I was wasting.

I know myself well enough to understand that the sort of anxiety that overtakes me in the dead of night is irrational and all consuming. The only hope is to breathe and wait for sleep because the harder I try to control it, the worse it gets. I am already doing my best and worrying about it won't change a thing.

I hesitate to share but it's what's for dinner. Warts and all.

Speaking to a co-worker today I said, "Hey, it's only work." I am guilty of not following my own advice.

Next week will not be easier. Next week I will basically interview to keep my job, whether it is explicitly stated that way or not, I know the score. And I will do my best and expect the worst, but damn, I wish this part was over.