it's winter and i'm raw

This week the crazy bug has been visiting. On the one hand I recognize the urge to reach up and tug my hair is not what normal people do. I understand that being twitchy is not an acceptable state. The occasional self-murmur is also frowned upon in polite company, and yet... I am so wrapped up in my head and unravelling -- what can only be called -- a giant stress ball, that the only thing I can do is wait it out and hope nobody notices.

Of course pointing it out like this doesn't do my cause any favors.

It happens every year about this time. I get restless. I want everything to change. Everything I'm doing and have done is stupid and I've compromised and life is hard and why am I so afraid to write? I can't even say I'm a professional writer anymore because I traded the title for a handful of magic beans.

Oh I wish I was kidding.

Maybe it stems from all the time I've spent in books lately. On the bus, before bed, when I should have been doing my taxes or writing out thank you cards. I've finished 3 full books in the last two weeks and partial others. "The Book of the New Sun" by Gene Wolfe, Books 1 and 2, "Hokkaido Highway Blues: Hitchhiking Japan" by Will Ferguson, most of "The Great Gatsby." About 30 pages left in that one. I've also read about half of "blink" by Malcolm Gladwell, which I scan whenever my characters are on the flight path in World of Warcraft, the first few pages of "Bone" by Jeff Smith, a large graphic novel, and some of "Getting to Yes: Negotiating Agreement Without Giving In."

I'd never read "The Great Gatsby" before. It is a masterpiece.

Then class started again last night, so I spent an hour in the college cafeteria eating an apple fritter and studying hiragana. There was a woman at a fold-up table with information about the university and I asked her if she had any brochures on graduate programs. She said, "No, well sometimes. Which one?" I said, "Oh, I was thinking, like, an MBA program?" She rummaged in her bag and handed me the contact information.

I don't even know where that came from. One minute I was eating a donut, the next I was asking about a masters program.

"There's evening classes, too!" she said.

I created a bank character in WoW. Bank characters are not intended to be played or levelled. They are typically just throw away characters that you mail your extra items to and they sell them on your behalf so your regular players don't waste their time. I named my bank character Ponzi, and I made him look like Fabio. I should really take a screenshot and share. Red shades, pink shirt, tight black pants. He is teh awesome.