class act

It's cold today, rainy and windy. I'd hoped that all this working out would leave me less angry, more inspired, awake, and aware. But right now I'm just exhausted. And then there's my last class tonight for the session. Last week's class was not that useful. I sat there with my head in my hands, generating face pimples, and pretending that the instructor was not telling me things I learned five years ago.

I have less patience now that I've returned to school after working full-time because I know when the instructor says, "This will be important later, you'll see," I know when he is full of shit. The truth is, most of the class content is not important, never will be important, and my life is slipping by while he lectures me on crap that does not improve the quality of my life in any way. Or justify my having been awake for 16 hours.

This is a dim view of education, and I'm not giving up. I registered for another class in June that should be more hands-on and less random, abstract, overview... I'm hoping the next class will be taught by someone who does the work he lectures on, somebody who doesn't just consult, but works in the profession. There's too much of a disconnect between the idealized version of should and the actual version of is. Too often these weeks I've looked at the slides on the screen and thought, "But that's not how it works. That's not how it works at all." Even when I asked questions -- and I was one of the only ones who did -- I got blank stares or wrong answers. It makes me sad. This class could've yielded some great discussion.

I wish I could blow it off tonight. But I won't. I'll just buy a bottomless cup of coffee in the cafeteria and drink until jittery. It's $1.50 well spent.