State of the Reunion

If I were to distill my life to one sentence, what would that sentence be?

Yes that's right, I've been reading my high school's alumni website. Without further ado, here's ...

Society's Success Checklist:

• Kids?
• Spouse?
• Rich?
• Skills?
• Famous?
• Hot?

What I lack in success I more than make up for in attitude.

It's almost my ten-year high school reunion. Here are some ideas I have for biographical information:

Dropped out of college to work as an exotic dancer part-time until my man gets parole.

Miss April 2004.

Developed a rare strain of cholera, lived in a bubble, and forswore all pork products.

Married my fourteen-year old cousin.

When asked: What's the meaning of life? The bottle was my answer.

I miss high school. That was before I killed that stripper.

Since y'all saw me last I've decided to become the new messiah.

I invented the word: squipmunk. And trag, for trash and bag. And the symbol: Gimo.

I've been looking for love in all the wrong places. Turns out, love is no-no in the convent.

I steal things from your parents.

I'm a certified ninja.

I drink my weight in diet soda daily.

Would you like fries with that?

Remember how in high school like I was totally fat? Yeah, I still am. But now I put out.