I think I am crashing from the four large Diet Cokes I drank at lunch. I drank them because lunch was at the Cheesecake Factory and I am only so strong. I am pretty much done with this diet, but the calendar tells me there are still nine days left. Nine long days. For dessert, instead of cheesecake, I ate a goblet full of strawberries, which was exactly what it sounds like. Everyone else ate cheesecake, as they should. And I should. But strawberries are okay, I guess.

I may be a little bitter.

I am in a foul mood of my own devising. Mostly because I feel like I deserve things I don't deserve, like rivers of fudge and lakes of cream and oak charred barrels of whisky. It's a privilege, not a right, right? You know what? I don't care that I'm thinner (I don't!) and I don't care that my head is relatively clear. No sir. Not if it means I can't eat my Shepherd's Pie covered in cheese and eat tater tots at my favorite bar and then drink my favorite beer at my favorite bar. I am not feeling altogether generous with the universe.

Also? I can't even blame anybody else because I volunteered. I think that's what I hate most of all, is that I brought this on myself. I must really hate myself or something.

Okay, let's go over the basics. Why did I do this again?

I signed up because:

• I need to buy new clothes.
• I am saving money for retirement; I should be healthy enough to live that long.
• My previous fitness level was embarrassing.
• It gets hot in the summer. I want to wear sleeveless shirts without being self-conscious.
• Because that whole thyroid thing was scary.
• Diabetes sounds like a buzz kill.
• I've never been fit, it's time to try something different.
• Of the scene in Terminator 2 where Linda Hamilton is doing chin-ups because Armageddon is on its way and she has to be ready.
• Of the scene in the movie Buffy the Vampire Slayer where Kristy Swanson has her exercise montage.
• I went to the Bodies Exhibition and saw what my muscles look like under my skin and it's not pretty.
• Competition is good for me and I could win a prize.

Okay. I'm not convinced but I guess I'll keep it up. For Buffy. (Kristy Swanson's Buffy, not the other one)