Friday, July 08, 2011

Why I'd make an awful teacher

I'm in a race to finish critiquing a pile of manuscripts before the beer kicks in.

Um, if I'm critiquing your manuscript, I am TOTALLY joking.

Good thing I'm doing this for free.

So, Today, tell me about yourself. Were you good? Did you have a fine time?

Why, yes, Christy, all is well with me. Y tu?

Thank you for asking, Today. You are always such a gentleman. I am good, too.

Bah. So today I paid a man to run a Whole House Diagnostics on our furnace, which went well. (Preventive maintenance, FTW.) And I worked on a piece of flash fiction, which I wrote in first person as an experiment, and have stared at too long and am now wondering how weird it makes me sound. (Answer: pretty weird.)

And then the rest of the day was filled with other people's words. As I said, I am still making notes, and trying to be fair, objective, and insightful, which is like juggling knives, which I have done if you want to know the truth. I have also juggled torches and can do a passable job of three balls at a time. Four is tough.

(I am available for parties.)

It is 8pm and I still have about 50 pages to critique. But I am not complaining, please do not think that. I volunteered. This is what I want. But maybe, just maybe, it is time to switch to the hard stuff and see where the booze takes my feedback.

This is why I could never be a teacher. I would scrawl in red ink across essays things like, "Why no kangaroos?" and "I bet you think you're better than me" and "Repent sinner, the time is nigh!!!"

6 comments:

Dan said...

You're hired (as a juggler, not a teacher).

Folly said...

And thus begins my new career!

Kristy said...

Your hired if you can juggle torches and drink the hard stuff.

Folly said...

Heh, Kristy. That sounds like a recipe for setting myself on fire. But if that's what the people want...

Mark Andrew Edwards said...

Because I'm scared of kangaroos. And your critique totally helped. Feel free to keep drinking.

Folly said...

Ha, Mark. Thanks.

A kangaroo-modded human: think about it.